Let's Be Meghan McCain's 40th Birthday Party !

So what? Who cares?

I’m the sound of 2-3 people in a large room yelling “Surprise!!!!”. I create a loud echo that lingers uncomfortably but Meghan has already started telling a story about her dad to even notice.

I'm STILL not voting for Kamala and you can't make me!

I'm the three unsold signed copies of her memoir crammed into every goody bag.

I’m mom Cindy’stolen pain pills.

I’m the hapless baker, ducking the kitchen utensils being chucked at his head by my enraged fat daughter.

“I SPECIFICALLY SAID THE CAKE MUST BE THREE TYPES OF CHOCOLATE!!!”

Never mix up my fat daughter’s instructions when it comes to food.

I’m the stylist spinning a wheel to decide how to fuck this cunt’s hair on her special day.

Random noodles?

It has to be something that emphasizes her thin hair and fat neck.

I’m the poor printer who had to put John McCain’s face on all the paper plates, napkins, balloons, tablecloths, and invites commiserating with the caterer who had to put John McCain’s face on all the cupcakes, birthday cake, and cookies… because John McCain is her dad.

I'm the cast members of The View, regretfully declining the invitation.

I'm a proud Cameo from Lee Greenwood booked for 7:25pm, right before the cupcakes with sparklers get wheeled out.

I'm the Cracker Barrel Endless Buffet being wheeled into the venue, as we're the official caterers for Meghan McCain parties. All her friends love us !

I'm the grievance..

I'm Cindy McCain, mother of the fat guest of honor - and I have not been invited. I wonder why ? Does she hate me that much ? (Yes, Cindy, she does - it was more than apparent during her time on 'The View' and occasionally mentioned you like you were a distant relative).

I'm the Golden Corral Endless Buffet, as we've been contracted by Meghan as 'back up reinforcement' for Cracker Barrel, once they inevitably run out of food for the ten guests.

We're all the guests - we're all white, Republican, overweight and Christian. No liberals, non-Christians, slender, dark skinned guests are allowed.

I’m the secret bra money Father used to grab on birthdays.

There’s a moist 50 under Left Titty just for old times sake.

I'm the voodoo doll looking adopted sister.

I'm Sidney McCain, Meghan's older half sister. My mother is Carol McCain, the senator's first wife whom he cheated on in 1979. I got the invitation, and brought Meghan a nice birthday card with a $50 IHOP Gift Card inside. She barely thanked me and then told me to to stand in the back corner with the other ignored relatives.

I’m the bronzed thumb down.

at least they look alike in one way.

I'm her spanks, struggling for dear life.

I’m the hologram of John McCain that Meghan gifted herself saying, “Happy Birthday, Princess!” over and over and over again.

I'm the 68 minute speech she'll give on how great her father was and how close they were. Even though during his presidential campaign He found out she was the leak to the press over some sensitive issues, kicked off the campaign bus, and had little to do with her until he died.

I'm father time going ..40??? she said 40????

I'm Sara Palin ! 'Member me, Meghan ? I cost your father the election in 2008. I was the biggest regret in his life, after you. I don't know how I got an invite - but here I am, and I brought my wack-job kkklan with me !

I’m the giant pair of panties Meghan is wearing with the big skid mark in them. She shouldn’t have had the extra helping of barbecue baked beans

I’m the empty room.

I was meant to hold all the invited guests.

But the party was for Meghan, so I wasn’t surprised when no one showed up.

Not even the asshole she married.

I am the lifesized cake of her father.

We're Clay Aiken and Andy Cohen - the only two gay men she has ever known in her life and considers her 'besties'. No matter how we try, she won't listen to us when we give her fashion advice.

I the guest who thought she was way older.

I'm the several pairs of Spanx and other compression garments. Ugh - this is gonna be a LONG day.

I’m the xxxxl packages of vintage unused underalls Cindy got off eBay as Meg’s birthday gift.

I'm the broken chair.

God! How on EARTH did I give birth to this bratty, fat dumb excuse of a human being?

Oh - did I say that out loud? Fix me another pitcher of Mai-Tai's, honey.

There’s no way she’s only 40.

[quote]I am the lifesized cake of her father.

I'm the Senatrice, secretly jacking off into the frosting.

I'm the stomping of hooves when she doesn't get her way. "I SAID CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!!!"

I’m the intern who doesn’t understand, “Twenty One McNugs, STAT!” Is a directive that takes precedence over all other orders.

She wasn’t kidding. There had better be 21. Eight sweet&sour packets. Moist towelettes for hands and chin.

NOW.

I'm her favourite cocktail - vodka & ranch dressing

I'm the phrase "My father. " I am spoken repeatedly.

I'm Cindy Lou's dwindling calcium.

I'm her self-respect. I was not invited.

I'm the IHOP Endless Buffet - we've been contracted by Miss McCain to be on 'standby' for the third hour of the party, once Cracker Barrel and Golden Corral run out of food. We've been told to make certain to have 'chicken and waffles ' at the ready.

I'm the boxes and boxes of K-Cup bras, gifted to Meghan by just about every guest who came. Why she insists on going braless - no one knows.

I’m the cunt who’s 40.

I'm her personal tube of Lume. I've been spread under her jombo tits, between the rolls of fat below her tits, and the crack of her ass.

I'm Chrissy Metz. I think I was invited just to make the guest of honor look somewhat less obese by comparison.

I’m the Hermes snack purse Cindy McCain custom ordered. I

I'm the Velveeta fountain.

We’re the cleaning staff and we were going to wear Ms McCain’s hand me downs as a sign of thankfulness, but she started taking things back…physically pulling blouses off Miranda and joan.

We’re the 5 three-layered cakes served to and consumed by her simultaneously!

I'm the guy who keeps making the beeping noise whenever she backs up.

I'm her missing husband and I took the two kids with me ! I've been planning this escape forever.

Will Denise crash it?

I’m the prenup MY Father ™️ crafted that states my husband must penetrate this lady ham on birthdays, frderal holidays, and monthly on the 5th.

Had she not gone fringe astray she coulda been a perfect spokesperson for SlimFast. Like real talk. Remember America during that time. When a pussy grabber would have a ho like her speaking out. It would have been the worst thing ever. Career suicide. Not just politics, media too. Bast fast forward 20 years and some orange skin cream it’s tolerable. It just ok. It’s fucked up but as not as fucked up as them. “Was she a great big fat person” looking ass bitch can’t endorse. She’s rich but it’s too hard. She is educated but the decision is hard. And now here we are.